Separate Or Same Room Fun?


As many swingers prefer same room swaps, we have somehow always seemed to prefer separate rooms. By separate I mean we all double date, dinner, drinks, flirting, laughter, conversation, dancing, whatever the night may bring, ALL AS A FOURSOME. Then go to a hotel or host’s home. Eventually splitting up to separate areas and playing one on one.

Tonight we were with a couple that we really liked that are same room only. We tried it because we thought maybe we could make it work. We had fun but both of us just truly weren’t comfortable because we just prefer that one on one time with our new sex partners. I wish i could explain it better. We just want to concentrate on our new friends without distractions of the others. Neither of us orgasmed. The couple had fun (orgasmed) but we just weren’t in the right frame of mind because of having the ‘audience’.

Wish it were easier to find like minds on this. Very few are ‘separate’ rooms. Really frustrating. Feeling so much like the minority. Anyone else like us out there? Or are we alone on this frame of mind?




  1. I agree about the separate rooms your meant to be with someone new if you look over and see your partner where is the fun in that?? Just make sure your up front anyone wanting be with you shouldn’t care I don’t think makes that much difference does it? But I wouldn’t want my partner to see me or me see them the point is some one new. You will get it worked out.

  2. We are just like y’all – prefer separate rooms when playing with couples – mostly for the same reasons as you. We too have had a tough time finding couples that are into it. We have found that once you’ve been with a couple a few times and everyone is a little more comfy then they are a lot more receptive to the idea. Just be honest about it and the worst that could happen is they say no. Good luck – there are a few of us out there lol.

  3. My husband is cool with whatever, but I literally *can’t* do same room. Something about it triggers a really bad emotional reaction. So you’re definitely not alone!

  4. We are same room only. That is an interesting point as I focus more on my wife than I do the girl Im with. In limited experience I have made them orgasm but I never will. Need my wife for that. I bet it would be different if we weren’t in the same room. Try anything once…

  5. Is there any type of fear going on in separate room swap, like if one of you doesn’t have a good time, like erection issues, or if someone admits they’re not in the mood, you’re kinda left alone?

  6. You are the minority.. most people enjoy sharing each other, the sounds and the sights.. it’s not polyamory, it’s the lust and heat of hearing her feel good etc… She loves to hear and see me fuck another woman, it’s usually what makes her cum.. that’s what many of us enjoy about the LS.. not looking to have an emotional mini affair with another woman/person, that’s an entirely different thing. I can appreciate it, but it’s a scarier dynamic for most.

  7. Separate isn’t our preference and group is kind of the novelty not a bug.

    I think there are a lot of you out there though. Maybe you need time to build up to that comfort zone with some couples though.

  8. We’re only ever had a FFM experience which was very recent. But I think I’m aligned to your thoughts here.

    We both look forward to finding our way but yeah 🤷🏻‍♂️

  9. You’re certainly not alone. We only play separately as well and even go the extra step—we prefer not being in the same building at the same time. I understand the thrill of hedonistic nature foursome in one room. It’s a very hot concept! But it’s just so distracting in reality! It’s an absolute turn on for us to know our spouse is rocking someone’s world and sometimes even watch, but also makes it impossible to focus on our partner.

  10. We too enjoy separate rooms, but this has evolved over time. There is such a spectrum of likes, wants and desires out there. While we no longer actively look for new couples and “swing” per say, when we did would often find ourselves in the same room play environment. Having developed two good couples friendships, we really only have time for them now while balancing the other aspects of our life. For us, we found that we really enjoy the connection that comes from having friends with benefits and play will often start together, sometimes remaining together, but often end up enjoying our respective partners separately, sometimes not seeing our spouse again until the morning. But each friendship is different. For example, with one of the couples we also occasionally have completely separate dates and have spent an entire weekend with our date alone. With the other couple and respective partners, we tried this too, but the dynamics were different and that no longer works for us. Again, such a wide spectrum and chemistry dynamics out there.

    Stay true to what works for you. If you find yourself “miserable” then that is worth examining to get a little deeper into why that is. Best of luck in your exploration.

  11. I mean asking “are we alone” is I’m assuming a rhetorical question. There is always someone like you even if you’re a minority. And yes you are a minority because swinging is often a mutual experience for a couple, therefor they want to do it “together” if it makes sense.

  12. We have done both, I think my wife prefers separate and I am ok either way… that being said I like to watch as well I am a voyeur like that I guess.

    Separate rooms is defiantly different thing the one on one connection can be more intense. That being said one time we played in separate rooms and the guy she was with couldn’t stay hard. So she basically had to wait till we got back to our room to finally get some. I felt bad because I had a great time with the other lady.

  13. There’s up and downs to both. All four on a bed is hot, but distracting. Separate lets you focus on you and your dance partner, but you can’t just look over and see your SO rocking worlds, or getting rocked…

    The wife and I are OK with both. We don’t have a preference, we let the other couple set the rules and follow along. We’re both people pleasers, so we get our ‘high’ from leaving people satisfied and going back to each other after.

  14. We find that when we meet new people, we are more comfortable in the same room. But if we continue to see them, over time, we prefer separate rooms. I think there are quite a few people like us, where they want to be in the same room initially, until some trust is established. So it is understandable that you have a tough time initially.


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