My wife and I have played with a few couples and had single guys join us a few times. We’ve had some misses (where her needs weren’t met, usually because a guy has trouble performing). Overall we like the spice it adds to our marriage. We talk about it in bed to goad each other “show the boys how to make me cum”. It’s hot.
The trouble is that it adds a certain suspicion on her part for how interested I am in her. She feels like my drive isn’t great unless I’m thinking about a third person or another couple with us, etc. I admit to her that this is a fetish of mine and it excites me. I can’t accept that it excites me more than being with her alone… But maybe there’s truth in that. My pride keeps me from admitting that, even if it’s true.
I don’t want to make my wife feel secondary. I love her completely. But she and I both know that the prospect of others being with us is always going to add a new dynamic, and that’s exciting. It creates nervous energy.
She doesn’t want me to change (more specifically she knows this is part of my nature and I can’t change it).
I’ve offered to have us go back to being vanilla but she’s skeptical I can be happy without this part of our lives. Worse is that she thinks we’ll have a lot less sex without this part of our lives, or that I’ll resort to watching porn to get my fix. I’ve struggled to not watch porn. It’s something I enjoy but I know it hurts her feelings when I watch it so I try to abstain.
Has anyone else dealt with this? Are you and your partner equally into the excitement of swinging/hotwifing/whatever your kink is? If you’re not at the same level of excitement how have you balanced this or worked through it?
Thanks in advance.