How to become a swinger?

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My partner and I have chatted about the idea and have both expressed interest in some type of kinky sex involving another partner/couple/sex club.

We’ve only been together a little over a year. So, it’s not something we are jumping into or that I’m pushing for. My opinion, we need time and trust between us. While we have a lot of trust already, I don’t think we are ready. Since we are still feeling each other out.

One of the ways I thought about slowly working out way in is visiting sex clubs and just watching, chatting and getting to know people. I’ve thought about munches, but they are few and far between in our rural area. So, it does take planning and sometimes work schedules make it difficult getting to those things.

Of course, getting out into a public place, or even with another couple and being naked is not easy for some people to do. While she’s my 10, I know she is self conscious. I am as well to a certain extent, I’ve had sex infront of enough other people, I’m not too concerned about that.

Is just going to a sex club to hang out and meet people acceptable?

Or even, I’d love to just start by having a friendly couple have sex in the same bed/room as us. That would be a fun get together. But, of course we need to meet people.

She’s of the opinion of letting it happen organically and not plan it out. I don’t disagree. But, you have to know people that are into that to have that happen organically.

She’s not a prude. She’s been in bi threesomes and has a lot of fun ideas, so she’s had some experience. It’s just a matter of finding like minded people I guess.

I’ve considered the internet and the dating sites. Since that’s how I did it when single. But, that might not be the best way to approach it for her.

So, my question is, how do you start swinging? Are some of my ideas ok or are they ludicrous and just won’t go over well in the community? Where do you find others, besides the internet, if hanging out at sex clubs isn’t an option?

Edit: when I refer to organic – I mean more in, we someone/couple through, munch, club, or other means… but hang out and see where it goes. Ya know, have some drinks, hang out. See if flirting leads to more. Versus, planning a get together where we say, ok, tonight we are going to meet and this is the night we will do ‘x’.

We have discussed our limits for just such an occasion, so we do have a basic set of rules we already know are each other’s hard limits.

 

4 COMMENTS

  1. It’s fine to go to a club and not play with others. You can just do your own thing. Clubs can be intimidating though. I think meeting a couple that you find online for platonic drinks is an easy and safe way to see how you feel about the whole situation with no pressure.

    Organic couple swapping isn’t really a thing. You have to seek it out. I think the bigger issue is that it doesn’t sound like your partner is as interested as you are. Likely she’s aware that stumbling into the perfect swapping couple at the grocery store isn’t going to happen so that gets her off the hook for a while. Figure out if she’s going along to get along or if she actually wants to do this as much as you do. Just because she’s had group sex before doesn’t mean she’s necessarily down to do it now.

  2. Our start was simply connecting online with a couple and being very upfront with our intentions. Being brand new, it was to have sex next to another couple having sex. We did exactly that and it was a great introduction. It has of course evolved into more. My advice is to start small and work your way up. Sound like you re already an adventurous couple so you might start a little faster than we did as we had never experienced a group type situation prior. Good luck.

  3. I think the best way to start swinging is to just go to a club with no specific aim other than to watch and be watched. We’e met plenty of newbies that way (and once upon a time we were newbies ourselves) and I don’t think anybody ever judged them for not being open to group stuff.

    A few things that make it easier are themed events, for example, young couple nights, partly also because the entrance fee is lower…

    And regarding the self-consciousness: You don’t walk around naked all the time in a club, it’s mostly lingerie or even dresses. I’m sure that if she has specific issues, she will find something that compliments her body and makes her feel sexy.

  4. Hello Tia and welcome to the LifeStyle. You’ve done the first steps which are great. I’ll answer some of the questions you’ve asked directly and some you’ve asked indirectly.

    Is just going to a sex club to hang out and meet people acceptable?

    Yes. You might be surprised by how little sex is had at a club. Sure it happens and visibly so, but not everyone is going at it at the same time and many many couples leave without playing at all. Some just want the environment. Some want to watch. Some want to be watched, but not play with others. It really depends on what you’re looking for and are comfortable with going in. You may be propositioned, so be prepared to react to that if/when it happens.

    She’s of the opinion of letting it happen organically and not plan it out.

    I disagree. This is sort of the dream but if you wait for the perfect scenario, you may be waiting a long time. No human relationship happens ‘organically’. Each time takes someone brave enough to approach the other couple and the ‘organic’ expectation tends to mean ‘I’m waiting for a couple or single female approach me to have group sex in a vanilla environment’ which simply doesn’t happen. You have to put yourself out there. Swinging (in the US at least) and sex in general has several moral connotations that make people want to keep their desires secret and in the closet. You need to get in an out of the closet environment.

    how the heck do you start?

    Check out the Lifestyle Playbook. It has EVERYTHING you need in there…

    Are some of my ideas ok or are they ludicrous and just won’t go over well in the community?

    There’s no wrong way to do this and everyone starts somewhere. You’re doing just fine. You may find that people are very welcoming to newbies and want to help you through your journey without being pushy. The LS (short for lifestyle) is a distillation of some of the nicest and most caring people I’ve met. A-holes tend not to last very long for obvious reasons.

    As for body image issues, there are all types in the LS and everyone is welcome. It’s really going to be a cross section of your local demographics. There will be super muscle guys with huge cocks, there will be normal looking folks, there will be obese people, black people, white people, brown people, punk people, discreet professionals, etc. So don’t worry about your looks because there’s someone for everyone. I’ve only seen the LS be an ego boost because after long relationships it’s really nice to know you’re still desired by others. Dip your toe in and see how the water feels. Good luck to you!

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