Encouraging wife to find others for sex


So i feel like as the male i am most involved in furthering our swingers experience. I was wondering what i can do to “take a backseat” to looking for couples/clubs ect but encourage my SO to take the reins so to say. I want her to get more involved in seeking out couples or a third to play with.

Looking for both male and female experiences in encouraging the female partner to take more charge.

I feel like it would make a better/more enjoyable experience for her. But she is shy “at first” and i kinda want to break her out of the shell without making it feel pressured.

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  1. Talk to her about it, exactly like you explained here. Encourage her to look and flag profiles that she likes, then look at them and message together. For us, we will individually look and find profiles we are interested in, then look at them and message initial contact together.

  2. My wife doesn’t want to be the person to work on the profiles (We used SLS.) Two basic reasons: She doesn’t like using technology that much and she hates rejection. Like you, I tried to get her to do it, it didn’t work.

    So what I did was run the website, when I found people that didn’t seem to be fake and I thought she’d like, I’d bring it to her. Once she said, “Yeah, that couple!” she’d start getting into it.

    Hey, if she doesn’t want to break out of her shell, that’s her business. Help her be comfortable, you’ll be happier for it.

  3. (Newbies here) i[M] mostly look at profiles and start the chats and then i tell her to chat with them because i have things to do and most of the times she would gladly jump in.

    Ease the work on her, there is not much more you can do

  4. Honestly, many couples have a “primary Public Relations person”. In my experience, about 75% of the time, the primary PR person is the man. In my relationship, my wife does most of the PR duties, especially initially.

    Once you start talking to (and hooking up with) a particular couple, the communication dynamic with those particular people will change.

    But if she doesn’t like PR duties, and you do, I don’t see this as a problem.

    Also, go online together (same couch, different laptops) and look together.

  5. As a wife who actually takes the reins, please let her do whatever she is comfortable with. Maybe she is enjoying things exactly how they are now, maybe she wants more control. All you can do is communicate, but don’t pressure her for something you think she wants or to break her out of her shell – she has to do that work herself and must WANT to do that work for her to be happy.

    Your post comes across as if this is something you want more for you then her. That probably is just the deficit of posting online, where we can’t read body language, so it’s very possible you don’t mean it that way at all. Best of luck in your journey – it’s a blast!

  6. My wife is the shy one, and I tried to get her to take over and its a waste. Once we know a couple or are going to an event shes great, but shes not good at the footwork. So I just do the footwork. Sometimes you gotta do what works best.


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