Are we swingers, or are we a cuckold couple?


Hi all. Just wanted some input on definitions. Somewhat out of curiosity of what kind of couple the community would define us as… and also not wanting to violate rule #5 of this group. We have had 2 adventures. Both times she played with a single guy first (no girl involved), then he “reclaimed her”.

What looks like swinging to me: 1) No humiliation or demeaning talk/action of or to him, 2) he was in the room, 3) he had sex with her directly afterwards (but not at same time), both participated in selecting and meeting the guy beforehand as equals.

What looks like more of a cuckold situation: 1) never really looked for a couple, only looked for a “bull”, 2) no guy on guy action or even touching her at same time…he waiting until the guy was done. So it wasn’t really a 3 way.

I realize both swinging and cuckoldry and hotwifing are a spectrum…maybe we are in the crossover zone…but the experts are certainly here on this forum!

Both adventures were amazing and have strengthened our sex lives and relationship.


P.S. Totally irrelevant, but she is Asian, he is white and both bulls were hung black men….for us that spiced things up even more.



  1. Dont worry so much about labels. But if you want to be technical, more on the cuckold / hotwife spectrum than swinging. I associate swinging more so with full or soft couple swapping and orgies. Stag and vixen most closely defined it I would say, sort of like myself though I would like to dabble in humiliation.

  2. You are a stag and vixen couple, not a cuckold.

    That’s a sub-segment of swinging for sure.

    But don’t worry too much about labels. If it works for you, great! Keep doing it.

  3. Where you’re getting confused is that there are currently three definitions of ‘cuckold’. Here’s a blog that I wrote about it

    Are you a cuckold? And do you care?

    In this world, cuckold is usually considered to be a derogatory term. Technically, any husband who’s wife sleeps with other men is a cuckold, and society automatically condemns him. (Of course, any wife who sleeps with other men is a ‘slut’ and is condemned, but that’s another blog!) In actuality, there are three different connotations of the word ‘cuckold.’ If your wife is sleeping around, one of them fits you.

    The first usage is ‘standard’ and has a historical context behind it. The term was invented in the middle of the eleventh century and comes from ‘cuckoo’ – that bird has the habit of using other bird’s nest to lay their eggs. It usually meant a man who’s wife was having adulterous affairs with one or more other men. This was a big deal well into the nineteenth century, because a wife was a man’s property. There are plenty of court cases where men sued other men for improper usage of their goods. Of course, if they brought the Earl to court, the men usually got snickered at. This definition continues into modern time to describe a man who’s spouse is cheating on him without his knowledge or agreement.

    Now, of course, girls are much more equal than they used to be, and I suspect that many more married women are sharing themselves than used to be before the women’s liberation movement and the invention of effective birth control. (I, for one, applaud the revolution!) In the modern context, the term ‘cuckold’ has evolved.

    The second definition is used for some men who have the fetish of their wives having sex outside the marriage and humiliating them in the process. The affront can start with simple embarrassment of the man, (“I slept with Jake today, what are you going to do about it?) to the wife forcing him to watch as she screws someone. She might tell him about the large size of the man who’s screwing him, comparing it to his tiny penis. She might make him wear a cock cage so that he isn’t allowed to orgasm except when she’s willing. Often, he tends to think of himself as a sissy. While this isn’t my cup of tea, if it makes you happy, who am I to judge.

    Finally, there’s the ‘modern’ definition. Today there are many couples who engage in swinging and/or hotwifeing. With her husband’s permission and (sometimes) participation, a wife is promiscuous. In these situations, the man is technically a cuckold. But since he doesn’t view his wife as ‘property’, he isn’t upset or threatened by her infidelity. In fact he often encourages it to both their pleasure.

    Are you a cuckold? If so, which kind?

    I really wouldn’t worry about it, though. If you’re having fun, you’re doing it right!

  4. Thanks all for the input and support! Based on the replies we are def in between the two…which is fine by us.

    We wrote up our last adventure in a true life story (so hot), but I am hesitant to post it as it might violate Rule 5.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here